The Forest and the Trees
It's not as easy as saying, "I'm afraid that I'm not feminine enough. I'm afraid that other women will find me lacking." And then signing up for tutoring in the feminine arts of hair and makeup.
See, I secretly long for the feminine things - makeup may mystify me, but I still gleefully (yet covertly) shop at Sephora. I have a hidden stash of scented body lotions, face creams, and expensive hair products.
All things just for me, so I hide them from everyone. After all, if no one can see the lotions and potions and miniature porcelain boxes hidden back in my room, no one can judge me for them.
But they're indisputedly feminine things, so who would find them lacking? Which brings us to the real fear:
That my mother would see them. That she would think I'm trying to attract, to entice; that I'm inviting danger and shame. That she would react as she always did in my youth: with wild, irrational ravings about "Them" - those shadowy, vague and menacing demons just waiting outside our front door.
A week and a few hundred dollars to find I've been contemplating trees and forgetting it's a forest. Two hundred miles from home, and I may as well still be there.
See, I secretly long for the feminine things - makeup may mystify me, but I still gleefully (yet covertly) shop at Sephora. I have a hidden stash of scented body lotions, face creams, and expensive hair products.
All things just for me, so I hide them from everyone. After all, if no one can see the lotions and potions and miniature porcelain boxes hidden back in my room, no one can judge me for them.
But they're indisputedly feminine things, so who would find them lacking? Which brings us to the real fear:
That my mother would see them. That she would think I'm trying to attract, to entice; that I'm inviting danger and shame. That she would react as she always did in my youth: with wild, irrational ravings about "Them" - those shadowy, vague and menacing demons just waiting outside our front door.
A week and a few hundred dollars to find I've been contemplating trees and forgetting it's a forest. Two hundred miles from home, and I may as well still be there.
posted by Cary at 3:36 PM
1 Comments:
So take that stuff out and use it. Even if its only in the privacy of your bathroom. Use it, play with it, have fun. Then next week venture out to the living room. Baby steps.
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